Willem Dafoe
Acclaimed star of stage and screen Willem Dafoe often appears in Podtoid in the form of hypothetical film pitches for roles that would suit his acting prowess. It's been stated that the reason for this is that Jim Sterling really liked Willem Dafoe as the Green Goblin attacking New York in the 2002 hit-film Spider-Man. Before being a Podtoid host, Jim Sterling would do a simillar act of movie-pitching to Nicolas Cage, who have been known to pop up in several Willem Dafoe movies since. And while Jim is the one most common to pitch a movie, other hosts also tend to join in on the fun. Tommy Wiseau does not know who he is. Dafoeverse Dafoe has occasionally been referred to as the "Patron Saint of Podtoid," and as such, his influence has begun to expand past the boundaries of Podtoid itself. Dafoe is most recently known for having taken over the Wii U Miiverse Rabbids Land Community. Film Pitches for Willem Dafoe The Breast Man (Podtoid 154: Willem Dafoe in the Breast Man - 2011-06-17) : "Willem Dafoe features as a corrupt, corporate CEO who wants to knock down a breast cancer ward to build a new car park. Only, he wakes up one morning to discover he has breasts. Laugh along with Willem Dafoe as he learns to love as he gets out of scraps with his equally corrupt business partner played by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and eventually becomes lovers with a doctor at the hospital played by Halle Berry. Willem Dafoe finds a lump, is treated by the hospital, learns his lesson and we all smile." ''- Jim Sterling Hollow Back Girl (aka. Hollow Man 3) (Podtoid 156: Hipster - 2011-06-29) : ''"Willem Dafoe stars as Hollow Man as he becomes invisible but his head remains visible. Willem Dafoe's floating head goes around looking at ladies in the shower. Women would roll their eyes and say 'It's fucking Willem Dafoe again, ignore him'. There is no plot, just Willem Dafoe's discovery of this invention and his misuse of it to break into Sorority houses'"- Max Scoville Willemillions (Podtoid 157: Muddy Buddies - 2011-07-08) : "In similar vein to the film, Multiplicity, Willem Dafoe learns the secret to cloning himself, but soon discovers that each clone becomes inbred with genetic data, that subsequent clones have subtle, weird physical deformities. Examples include: unnaturally small ears, really long fingernails, a finger sticking out of his chest, his beard growing from under his lips.'"- Tara Long Muddy Buddy (aka. Muddy Buddies) (Podtoid 157: Muddy Buddies - 2011-07-08) : "An elementary school boy or a self conscious girl in her first semester of college is very afraid of thunder and lightning, but their dad always told them that thunder and lightning is magic and wonderful things can come of it as long as you get through the storm. After a big lightning storm, the boy/girl goes outside and explores through the wilderness and finds a big puddle of mud. They start playing around in the mud, searching around and seeing how things are feeling. They look out in the mud and two eyes open, and a big smile comes out of the mud and it's Willem Dafoe, made of mud, completely nude. He comes out and says 'I just want to friends!' and they say 'Oh, great!' and bring him to school/college. All the students there start loving, touching and caressing the mud man. The boy/girl start rubbing their face into him as Willem Dafoe says 'I'm so glad you're rubbing your face againist me, I'm ecstatic. During the end of the film, he becomes a big sensation with nobody knowing if he is a mud man or just a weirdo.'" ''- Jonathan Holmes Shrink 'em Dafoe (Podtoid 157: Muddy Buddies - 2011-07-08) : "''A little boy played by Thomas Sangster is shrunk and gets trapped inside legendary actor Willem Dafoe. But he's not alone. Two crooks, played by Willem Dafoe and Danny DeVito, have also gone inside to steal the most valuble item in Hollywood, Willem Dafoe's acting gene. Hijinks ensue, as the little boy drops tonsils on their heads and the crooks keep falling on a fart button inside Willem Dafoe whist he tries to wine and dine Mila Kunis. Willem Dafoe dicusses how he really wants to fuck her with Danny DeVito, who wants to watch whist in a wardrobe and jerk his little cock." -'' Jim Sterling Suburban Centaurs (Podtoid 161: Son of a bitch, play my puzzle! - 2011-08-03) : ''"Willem Dafoe and Vince Vaughn star as two young centaurs who have to travel to New York at the request of the Centaur King to find girlfriends. Hilarity ensues when the Centaur King played by Danny DeVito says 'Ya gotta go to New Yeark and get girlfriends, while I'm jerking off.' Traffic jams are held up by two cenataurs with a taxi driver screaming 'Get out the way yer horse's ass!' to which Willem Dafoe responds 'I have a horse's ass because I'm a centaur." ''- Jim Sterling Kid Icarus (Podtoid 168: Hotel For Pigs (With Tommy Wiseau! - 2012-09-21) : ''"Willem Dafoe plays Kid Icarus. Directed by Tommy Wiseau. Enough Said'"- Jim Sterling Double Brothers (Podtoid 192: Kissing and Pissing with Willem Dafoe - 2012-02-29) : "Willem Dafoe stars as Wilhelm Das Foe, an Austrian man in America who turns out to have a twin brother played by Danny DeVito. Willem Dafoe acts Austrian saying 'GET TO DA CHOPPER' and 'I'LL BE BACK'. Danny DeVito slips on a Banana peel and gets a pitchfork up his ass. They be brothers together, pissing in the same toilet and trying to have a sword fight with their pissy streams. Willem Dafoe gets his cock out with a close up by the camera with deep drum music and then Willem Dafoe Danny DeVito gets his little one out with a quick, high tune. And then they do deep kissing. Willem Dafoe gets on his knees with the song 'Starry Starry Night' with him and Danny DeVito still pissing." ''- Jim Sterling Being John Malkovich II: District Dafoe (Podtoid 193: Transgenderistism - 2012-03-07) : ''"In the far future of 2014, New York City has been wiped out by a 200 year long nuclear war. The citizens are mutants and people are dying of raditation. Until, a mysterious man with a vision builds a city far above the wastes of New York. The city is supported by four limbs, for indeed the city is a giant steel Willem Dafoe. The head says 'Ehhhhh, Ehhhhh. I'm Willem Dafoe'. For indeed, many migrated up the elevator along Willem Dafoe's left leg into his bum. And they repopulate the world there. For a while everyone is happy by the mysterious benefactor, who only appears with a cloth over his head (not at all like Cobra Commander) who speaks with an altered voice recorder. He tells them to live and can keep living in District Dafoe must not violate the five rules. Trouble is, no one told anyone what the rules were, and soon there is Government oppresion from the Dafoe bots with spinning heads going 'EHHHH'. The freedom fighters led by Brendan Fraiser joined by Harry Potter, played by Daniel Radcliffe, and Debra Messing with a pair of tits drawn on her forehead with permanent marker as are all first time troublemakers. A curvy 'w' for Willem and an infinity symbol to represent punishment with two dots in the middles. Second time offenders get thrown out of Willem Dafoe's butt where they will die on the way down because it so nuclear people mutate on the fall down, turning into screaming squids. The freedom fighters fight the Dafoebots, liberate the people and break into the citadel of the mysterious benefactor. They spin the chair around and take his hood off....fuck, it's Willem Dafoe (who we all thought were dead). He says 'Nooo, I didn't dieeee'. Then the credits roll with the theme from American Beauty" ''- Jim Sterling Look Who's Talking IV: Baby's Day Out to Hell in 3D (Podtoid 195: Screaming Willem Dafoe Sperm - 2012-03-29) Escape from New York (Podtoid 196: Sesame Meat - 2012-04-04) Zapped! 3 (Podtoid 196: Sesame Meat - 2012-04-04) World War Fun (Podtoid 199: Goose Penis - 2012-04-25) The Taste of Crime (Podtoid 200: Gay Sex Orgy Nightmare - 2012-05-02) Patch Adams Two: Is It Pedophilia or Not? (Podtoid 201: I Don't Want To Mutilate - 2012-05-09) Diablo (Podtoid 203: The Peehole Must Not Be Tampered or Touched - 2012-05-23) I Sing a Song of Spiders (Podtoid 208: It's Covered in Weeping Sores - 2012-07-04) ''"Set in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe, the film is an indirect prequil to Joss Whedon's original 1997 TV series in which high school hearthrob Willem Dafoe, recieves the gift of singing spiders. Dafoe is the lead singer of the most popular high school band called The Awesome Band. Every time he opens his mouth to sing with his band, also known as The Best Band, spiders fly out of his mouth (loads of 'em!) The band, sometimes referred to as Yes, Them, features an all star cast of characters including Willem Dafoe movie pitch regular Steve Bucemi and Mabel "Madea" Simmons as portrayed by Tyler Perry." - Jim Sterling The Party Flower (Podtoid 209: Toxic Love Holes - 2012-07-11) "In this fun film for the entire family, Brendan Frasier plays an architect working at the Clamp Company(note: this is in fact the same Clamp Company found in the film Gremlins II: The New Batch, setting it in the same universe). He is very good at what he does, but only because he uses plants around him for inspiration. When his boss asks him to start on a big job, and his most recent plant is dead, Frasier hurries out to locate a new plant. He comes to a strange antique store, run by Cheech Marin, where he finds what appears to be the perfect replacement. But when he goes back to work, he finds that there is more to this flower than meets the eye. At the most comically inopportune moments, the flower gains a face(played by Willem Dafoe) and will wave around screaming "I'M DANCIN', I'M DANCIN'!" Brendan Frasier initially tries to simply hide the mischevious flower from his boss, but eventually learns to love it." - Jim Sterling I'll Photograph Your Ass (Podtoid 210: I'm Nightwing & I'm Gonna Sex You With My Penis - 2012-07-18) A Horse Named Keanu (Podtoid 213: A Man-Horse Pooping Condoms - 2012-08-08) 101 Dalmatians (Podtoid 222: Weird Hairless Chicken-Babies - 2012-10-11) Blue Eye in the Brown Eye (Podtoid 229: Murderous Techno-Snail Hybrids - 2012-11-29)'' '' ''"A crooked lawyer played by Brendan Fraser discovers a magical eye living inside his anus, played by Willem Dafoe. The possesses the ability to speak and predict the deaths of all those who gaze upon it, as Fraser and his celebrity friends, including Danny DeVito and Steve Buscemi, begin to understand as they are picked off one by one. Eventually Fraser realises the power of the eye, but in doing so fulfils the curse of the 'Ass Eye Lawyer's Ass Eye" and Willem Dafoe cosplaying as Rita Repulsa from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers emerges from Fraser's gaping chungus hole. With the curse lifted, Dafoe decides to conquer Earth, which is seen floating in the sky, the movie ends on this twist and a slow version of 'Go Go, Power Rangers' is played over the credit sequence." ''- Jim Sterling The Wrong Santa (Podtoid 232: The Christmas Nightmare Fluid Special - 2012-12-20) Image Gallery: 61934-241394-ParanormalActivity64jpg-620x.jpg|Based on Conrad Zimmerman's C64 Ghost - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson 61934-241033-TheWrongSantajpg-620x.jpg|Based on "The Wrong Santa" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Horse Named Keanu.jpg|Based on "A Horse Named Keanu" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Ill Photograph Your Ass.png|Based on "I'll Photograph Your Ass" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson The Party Banner.jpg|Based on "The Party Flower" - Unused Titlecard by Tobbii Karlsson I Sing a Song of Spiders.jpg|Based on "I Sing a Song of Spiders" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Muddy Buddies.png|Based on "Muddy Buddies" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Diablo.jpg|Based on "Diablo" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Error 37.jpg|Based on the Error #37 Controversy - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson The Taste of Crime.jpg|Based on "The Taste of Crime" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson PatchAdams2.jpg|Based on "Patch Adams Two: Is it Pedophilia or not?" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson World War fun.jpg|Based on "World War FUN" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Zapped 3.jpg|Based on "Zapped 3" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Escape from Dafoe.jpg|Based on Willem DaFoe's "Escape from New York" Remake - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson look whos talking 4.jpg|Based on "Look Who's Talking IV: Baby's Day Out to Hell in 3D" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Distric DaFoe.jpg|Based on "Being John Malkovich II: District DaFoe" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Double Brothers.jpg|Based on "Double Brothers" - Poster by Tobbii Karlsson Katawa DouFou.jpg|That time Willem Dafoe was a burned school-girl in Japan. Category:Jim Sterling's Impressions Category:Podtoid Creatures Category:Motion Pictures